fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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