Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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