he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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