Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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