i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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