also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize