You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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