party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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