I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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