If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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