The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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