He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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