I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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