I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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