So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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