I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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