If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize