I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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