Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
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I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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