i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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