I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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