I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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