when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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