oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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