I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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