his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize