my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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