My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How does one acquire holy water?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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