I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize