don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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