What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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