he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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