Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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