Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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