We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize