Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize