And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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