masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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