New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize