Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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