I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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