I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize