when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize