I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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