I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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