I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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