in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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