didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize