I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize