you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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